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Jack Bauer is God - (Jack Bauer Facts) - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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Top 24 Facts:
# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 36Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 5If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
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# 104Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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# 28In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
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# 2If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
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# 94Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 63It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 99Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
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# 10Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
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# 14Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
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# 29Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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