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| # 1 | Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. | |    ave of 94 (from 120 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 2 | If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. | | ave of 98 (from 578 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 3 | If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. | | ave of 88 (from 115 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 4 | Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. | | ave of 94 (from 170 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 5 | If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef. | | ave of 98 (from 236 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 6 | Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. | | ave of 96 (from 232 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 7 | 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. | | ave of 98 (from 440 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 8 | Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. | | ave of 89 (from 109 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 9 | Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. | | ave of 90 (from 116 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 10 | Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. | | ave of 98 (from 424 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 11 | When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade. | | ave of 93 (from 157 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 12 | Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. | | ave of 93 (from 124 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 13 | Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. | | ave of 87 (from 101 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 14 | Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. | | ave of 98 (from 386 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 15 | Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. | | ave of 96 (from 181 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 16 | When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables. | | ave of 92 (from 139 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 17 | Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. | | ave of 89 (from 104 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 18 | Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it. | | ave of 87 (from 95 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 19 | Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay. | | ave of 81 (from 119 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 20 | When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction. | | ave of 96 (from 184 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 21 | Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. | | ave of 87 (from 115 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 22 | When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out. | | ave of 93 (from 103 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 23 | When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. | | ave of 98 (from 329 votes) | Rate it: |
| # 24 | You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink. | | ave of 85 (from 108 votes) | Rate it: |
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