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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
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# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
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# 72When Jack Bauer goes diving, the Sharks insist on a cage for their own protection.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 65If Jack Bauer were to interrogate himself, the result would be analogous to multiplying infinity by zero.
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# 57Where the Happy Meal at McDonalds comes with a toy, the Jack Bauer Meal comes with a dead terrorist.
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 90A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 42If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
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# 32What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
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# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
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# 10Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
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# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
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# 107Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 33Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
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