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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 20When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
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# 54One time, Jack Bauer stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire country of Saudi Arabia.
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# 77Jack Bauer's morning cup of coffee has been known to jump start nuclear submarines.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
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# 48It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Jack Bauer.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 80Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Jack Bauer.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 1Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
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# 43The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
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# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
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# 106In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
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