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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 102Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
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# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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# 31In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 105Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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# 43The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 56Jack Bauer is such a badass that as a Boy Scout he earned all his merit badges in one day.
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# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
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# 34If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 32What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
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# 22When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 25Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 39Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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