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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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# 79Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 38Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 22When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
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# 71Jack Bauer once killed a terrorist in NYC by pointing his finger, and whispering "Bang!" While eating a burger. In LA.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 47Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
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# 29Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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# 33Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
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# 93Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 42If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
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# 76Jack Bauer's top secret morning coffee recipie: 2 parts HCL, 1 part Xylene, 1 part Draino, Mix, boil and run thru crushed habanero powder into a crucible. When the coffee has a ring of cerenkov blue around it you'll have gotten it right.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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